I am hesitant to give unsolicited parenting advice. Believe me, I’m no expert, nor am I someone qualified to tell others what to do. I have done my best, worked at it, and prayed for God’s grace in the places I messed it up. There have been moments of second-guessing, reevaluation, and staying awake at night wondering if what we were doing as parents would produce the goal we sought — kids who truly know and deeply love Jesus Christ.
It has been hard. It’s been stressful. It’s also been the greatest thing I have ever done, hands down. And, I also believe it is the most important.
But, I do have an interesting, if not strange vantage point: I am a pastor and I am a dad. I have the privilege of preaching God’s Word from my pulpit. I get to pray for families. As others try to navigate the waters of parenthood, I listen, watch, and counsel. I baptize kids as they testify to their faith in Christ. I get to watch them grow, and sometimes see them fail. I’ve laughed and cried with parents and kids alike. Throughout the years, there have been moments of rejoicing, witnessing God do marvelous things in homes. There have also been times of broken-heartedness, as sin tore homes apart.
And, then, I go home to mine.
Last year, I preached my daughter’s “Senior Recognition Sunday” sermon, as she sat decked out in cap and gown. As I did, I remembered her dressed in a smaller cap and gown at her preschool graduation, not that many years past. A few months after that sermon, we loaded up all the stuff and delivered her to college. With everything reluctantly set, we prayed, hugged, and then parted ways. Her mother and I cried the entire drive home.
This year, with a little more perspective, I had the opportunity to preach in that same service again. Another group of seniors sat with another set of tearful parents looking on. Happily, my daughter had safely returned home from a successful year of new friends, good grades, college tennis, and at least a thousand dollars in late-night coffee drinks! It was in this service that I started thinking, “I have some things to say.” In fact, not just some things, but some important things. Some things that moms and dads should know, need to know. Some things I wish I had known earlier on.
So, here they are.
Time is fast.
I heard this from the time we brought our kids home. As we lugged around a circus-like caravan of car seats, strollers, playpens, and sippy-cups, people would warn us. We heard them; I’m just not sure we believed them. As we drove to practices, meetings, and church events, it always seemed like time was on our side. Until it wasn’t. Parents, time is fast — oh so fast! Seize every moment. Be deliberate. Breathe it in. Cherish it. These days will quickly be gone. DO NOT MISS THEM.
“Also, the sun rises and the sun sets; And hastening to its place it rises there again.” – Ecclesiastes 1:5
“Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away.” – James 4:14
Most of the things you think matter actually do not.
It’s weird what the world makes us think is important. It’s crazy the stuff we become convinced the world hangs on. Here’s the truth: you can relax. Most of it is pointless. The spelling test they bomb won’t matter in the end. The teacher who has it out for them (seldom actually the case!) will soon be a memory. The traveling team that will ensure their ticket to the pros generally doesn’t pan out. Just add to the list — the shoes they must have, the event they can’t miss, the squad they have to make, the Christmas present their heart is set on — in the grand scheme of things, they all end up being just that — things. Parents, remember the goal: kids who truly know and deeply love Jesus. Take a deep breath. Focus on what really matters, and the rest will be alright. Most of the things you think matter actually do not.
One day soon, the foundation you have built will be the foundation they stand on.
I’m sure this is the most important piece of advice I can offer. I want to stand at the doors to the maternity ward and make sure everyone exiting hears it clearly.
This reality hit me the hardest. In the months following our eldest’s journey to college, I would suddenly be taken by thoughts: “I didn’t tell her about this,” or “I never got around to teaching her that.” Situations would pop up, and I was continually reminded of all we didn’t get in. And, sadly, now the opportunity has passed. Ouch.
Preaching through Proverbs that same year, I learned this great truth: tomorrow’s wisdom may be a day too late. When trouble arises, we need to be ready, equipped, already standing on God’s wisdom. Tomorrow’s wisdom won’t help us today.
There is a two-part takeaway from this realization. First is this: build the foundation. Start early. Be consistent. Be fanatical. Add to it in the car and at the dinner table. Stack on it when you’re tired and inconvenienced. Parents, build the foundation!
And be sure, that foundation is the input, explanation, and modeling of the Word of God. That alone is what matters. It is the only thing that will stand. I promise, someday the memory of homecoming or the All-State designation (as cool as those are) will fade. All that will matter will be a sure and stable foundation, built in deliberate effort, kindly laid in love by parents. Build the foundation.
I said there is a two-part takeaway from all this. The second is this: trust God. You can trust Him to empower the effort. And, praise the Lord, you can trust Him when you completely blow the effort. Be sure, as much as you love your kids, He loves them more. Be diligent, radically fanatical. Build the foundation. Then, when the time comes, much too quickly, and you have to step back, trust God. He is faithful, and I have found He is kind.
“Train up a child in the way he should go, Even when he is old he will not depart from it.” – Proverbs 22:6
“Behold, children are a gift of the LORD, The fruit of the womb is a reward.” – Psalm 127:3